Leadership In the Family

“Being a male is a matter of birth. Being a man is a matter of choice.” – Edwin Louis Cole

There are two kinds of extreme practices that men do in this world. Some concentrate so much on their job and forget their family responsibilities, while others are so passive that they neglect their leadership responsibility and leaving the hard work to their wives and children. 

When God made the first human, He created the male first namely Adam, which gives us the idea of male leadership since Paul explained the husband to be the head, not the wife. While being the husband and father in the family, he serves as the active head of the household, not passive. He must fulfill the role of being a spiritual pastor, a faithful provider, a gentle leader, a loving husband, and a good father.

He must be the spiritual pastor of the family because his wife and children look to him as a model of encouragement. If he wants his wife and children to be actively reading the Bible, praying to God, involved in the church, evangelizing the lost, discipling the people, and living out the Christian faith, then he must be seen doing these things. Surely, it will be easy for him to involve his family as volunteers in their church ministry once the wife and the children see these things in the life of a husband and father. 

He must be a faithful provider that never stops providing for the needs of his wife and his children. However, he must never place his family at the altar of business success and company accolades. Several men may be successful in their careers, but are they also successful in their relationship with their wives and children? Sadly, several able-bodied men do not even try their very best to find a job for their wives to have the option to either work or focus on their household. And when the wives start their career pathing, bringing home the bacon while leaving the husband at the tail end, then female domination could take place. Even if the wife accepts her husband’s situation, she will surely be accountable to the Lord for not helping her husband fulfill his leadership role responsibility. Wives were designed by God to be the helper, that is, a wife who looks from afar protecting the husband from anything that would hinder him from fulfilling his role as a leader of their household. 

He must also be a gentle leader who knows how to exercise patience and self-control in everything. He must learn to restrain his hand and tongue to not to hurt his wife and children either physically or verbally. He must realize that he reflects the Lord in the lives of his children. It is also important to know that young atheists are produced by abusive fathers.

He must be a loving husband to his wife, earning her respect and love at the same time. He should protect his marriage by building hedges around himself and raising walls that inhibit any form of spiritual attack and lustful temptation in his workplace and social media. A loving husband should avoid flirting with the opposite sex. As Jerry B. Jenkins explains flirting as, “exercising a portion of [your] brain and soul reserved for [your] exclusive lover” and is therefore “mental and emotional unfaithfulness.” His wife must be secured emotionally by putting her as the priority above his job and others.      

And lastly, he must be a good father to his children, spending quality time with his sons and daughters. Many experts believed that an abusive father, an absentee father, a weak father, a perverted father, and a passive father, can lead a child to atheism and nominalism. If a man will not show his love to his young children by affectionate embracing, then someday, a predator will surely do that for them. As Rev. Charles Swindoll states, “Authentic men aren’t afraid to show affection, release their feelings, hug their children, cry when they’re sad, admit it when they’re wrong, and ask for help when they need it.” One day, a father will finally realize that he has slipped so many hours, days, and months without building a good memory in the lives of his beloved children.

Men, our priority must be God, then our wives should be next, then our children, and lastly our church ministry and work.    

Biblical References: 

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. – Ephesians 5:33

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, – Ephesians 5:25                 

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. – Ephesians 6:4

You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. – Deuteronomy 6:7-8   

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